Monday, September 22, 2008

How not to hold a garage sale

1. Plan for months how you will hold the mother-of-all-garage-sales.
2. Collect items from around the house that you wish to sell.
3. Store the items in a place where you will trip over them in the middle of the night.
4. Wake up one Saturday morning tired of the pile of junk in your house.
5. At 9:30 am, throw out your perfect plans for next month's sale and decide to do the garage sale immediately.
6. Talk your husband (who thinks you're nuts, but is trying to cooperate) into pulling out a lot more stuff from the garage.
7. Make signs with (inadequate) materials you have on hand.
8. Haul the boxes of stuff out to the driveway.
9. Send husband and preschooler out on a mission to put up your signs.
10. Put up your sign and start putting pricing stickers on things as you pull them out of boxes.
11. Notice you have no customers, so drag the most attractive items out to the street.
12. Price more stuff.
13. Husband and preschooler return with the news that your signs are unreadable from the street.
14. Catch the preschooler in the act of removing price stickers and putting them on different items.
15. Fix the stickers and send husband and son into the house.
16. Entertain one customer who only wants to buy your display table, which is not for sale.
17. Put out more stuff.
18. Catch preschooler playing with more stickers.
19. Send husband and preschooler back into the house.
20. Observe that cars are slowing down, but not stopping.
21. Notice that you've been at this for two hours, have had only two customers and have yet to make your first sale.
22. Realize it's hopeless and start moving stuff back to the garage.
22. Save the remaining price sheets from the sticker-happy preschooler.
23. Send husband and preschooler back into the house.
24. Make your first sale ($5) as you're packing it in.
25. Let your husband tease you a little, since you've earned it.
26. Giggle as you watch preschooler price you and your husband (you: 70 cents, husband: 10 cents) and hold his own "garage sale" in your living room.


kale for sale said...

I love that you can laugh it all. I am too. Thank you.

Green Bean said...

Funny! I worked my booty off for the last garage sale I had - about 6 years ago. A friend and I ended up making a combined $20 after much effort, little sleep and a lot of hauling.

Joyce said...

I remember having a couple of little sticker theives at one of mine, as well as having the older ones use their allowance to buy back some of the stuff I was trying to get rid of!!

Donna said...

kale: Happy to amuse you. I told my husband that even if the sale was a total loss, I'd have material for a funny post. :)

gb: Oh, that's terrible! We're going to try again next weekend and I hope it goes better than that!

joyce: That would be a bigger challenge -- keeping my eye on one little sticker theif is hard enough! Pretty funny about your older kids trying to buy back stuff. I showed Andrew the pile of books I was selling and told him he could choose two to keep. He did, but I found more on his bookshelf later. Must have been when I wasn't looking. :)

Bugs and Brooms said...

I did this exact same thing earlier this summer! It was terrible and we had 2 customers (I think). We ended up packing everything back up and taking a lot of it to Goodwill! But you make me laugh remembering my own struggles!

Donna said...

bugs: Sorry about your sale! We're trying again Saturday -- wish us luck!